Tuesday the 14th of July 2026
The First One...
Helloooo friends and welcome to my very first blog post! I really truly don’t know what I want this to be yet, whether I want it to be more in the random personal reflections sphere or in the specific topic exploration one. Honestly, with the way that I am, I think it’s most realistic to expect a slightly disorganised, very sporadically released EXPULSION of whatever is on my mind.
ALSOOO biggg thanks to my lovely friend James for making this site and giving me the opportunity to get my thoughts out into the huge scary world :D
I’ll be honest, I’ve been putting off writing this first post because I’ve been scared of people perceiving me beyond my music. Even as I write this I don’t know how much is too much, if being completely open and honest will push people away rather than draw them in, if my writing will be too rambly and disorganised and SAD. But in my life, to bring me back down when I’m spiraling like this, I try to remind myself that, at the end of the day, all I can ask of myself is to be honest. And honestly, I can be quite anxious. I’m acting like you wouldn’t already know this if you’ve listened to literally any of my songs. But yeah! Be ready for some serious anxious rambling in this blog…
On the topic of honesty, another thing I like to remind myself when I feel my thoughts becoming very self critical is that the people I feel safest around are those who live openly in their humanness. I find confident awkwardness (definitely a thing!) to be so incredibly endearing because I feel like I’m allowed to let my own guard down and make social ‘mistakes’. This is an effect I’d really like to have on other people.
Okay! Now to some nitty-gritty day in the life stuff. Today I worked…and came home…and scrolled…and hated myself for it…and stumbled across a Fiona Apple video of her talking about how she wants so badly to be able to write about the current state of the world but finds it so difficult to know whether she’s saying enough, or saying it right, or is even the right person to be talking about it…and I resonated with her very much…and so I said the day is not done…and I got out my computer and said NOW I WILL WRITE! And here we are! Thank you Fiona Apple. Certainlyyyy not the first time she’s helped me in my life.
Music-wise, I’ve been working on some demos to record later this month. I’ve been struggling quite a bit with a demo for Plasticine, as it’s such a special song to me and I feel so strongly about getting the arrangement ‘right’, whatever that means. I often question what the ‘right’ way to create music even is, and obviously on a fundamental level there isn’t one, but I know for a fact that some songs move me more than others and I want to know WHY! Is it the direction of the chord structure? The relationship between melody and harmony in ways that allude to human connection? The wavering timbral qualities of certain sounds?
Realistically, I’m sure it’s a combination of all of these things and more that lead to that final product sparking something in a listener. I’m relatively certain I’ll never figure out a perfect formula. But in many ways, that’s not even what I want - in the case of writing arrangements as I am now, I just want to know how to choose and stick with one final musical element when there are INFINITE possibilities to choose from. I used to be able to create parts for songs on the spot without second guessing, when I used to make random bits and pieces in GarageBand. I’d love to return to that state of mind. I think it will come with less judgement and, ironically, less thought given to this very topic.
That’s all for this post as I need to go and get ready for soccer. But I’m realising now how cool this blog could be…I have a LOT of thoughts…hehehehehe
My cat is purring on me and I don’t want to get up. But I must. Okay.
I don’t know how to sign off.
Love from Saskia
Wednesday the 2nd of September 2026
And number two...
Hello blog! It’s entry number two o’clock…
I’ve been getting back into knitting lately (just in time for winter to be over) and I’m really appreciating the comfort that soft textures bring me - my blankets, my gloves, my cotton oversized tees that I wear to bed. I’ve been craving these little comforts a lot lately. Being 20 is so strange and I think I feel this need to keep reminding myself of how I’ve gotten here and who I’ve been. It’s weird - you’re young in the grand scheme of things, but the oldest you’ve ever been. That’s a cool concept for a song. Although I guess it goes for most youthful ages.
I’ve been recording my songs Intake Me and Plasticine this past little while. They’re coming together with the help of the lovely Ben Irawan. Thanks Ben!
Coming into recording these songs, I really wanted to incorporate what I’d learned about myself and my process from the last few recording experiences I’ve had. I know now that I work best having fully-fleshed out demos beforehand, because I need time to sit with arrangements and see how I feel about them over time. It’s that thing of there being infinite possible arrangements - how else do you decide on them but whether or not they feel right?
I’ve also started admitting to myself that I’m not as good at every instrument as I think I am, and it’s okay to ask other people to help me out. So my friends Maya and Ed are coming in to do some guitar work for both songs. I’m super excited about it. Rumour has it Ed has a musical shovel to be broken in.
More than anything, I know now that recording is an incredibly emotionally-charged process that will leave me loving and despising the exact same demo mix over a 24-hour period. I think I can get really caught up in wanting to be incredibly mathy and technical and subversive (in the art-pop, Radiohead, Magdalena Bay, Cameron Winter, indie darling kind of way) that I forget to ground everything in a clear, inspired artistic vision. I forget to have FUN so much of the time! MUSIC SHOULD BE FUN!
Anyway. Onto a completely different topic. And a complete tone change. Sorrrryyyy!!!
I realised today that I often procrastinate my evening shower because I’m afraid of seeing my body in the mirror. Such a simple, mechanical, human task, stained with this learned hatred of my own physical existence. In fact, there’s this tendency I have that began at around 5 or 6 years old where I would suck in my stomach during any moment where I was conscious of the space I was taking up. I don’t even notice myself doing it anymore - it’s become ingrained, like a reflex. And that makes me so sad.
The fact that I’ve learned to subconsciously shrink myself in situations where I’m overly physically self-aware is, in my opinion, a symptom of a much broader issue - women find comfort in minimising their presence in a room. We have been fed the idea through media, through observed social dynamics, through pornography, that a woman’s presence in a space containing men is subservient. And so, naturally, it feels good to conform. It feels rewarding when you occupy the position that’s expected of you. To be smaller, quieter, adequately pleasing to the eye. Like an office plant. Providing some good, clean air whilst sitting quietly in the corner.
I don’t want to crave smallness anymore. I don’t want guilt to pervade every interaction I have with food. I don’t want these things for anyone, and it’s getting harder and harder with these weird heroin-chic adjacent cultural shifts going on at the moment. What are you even supposed to do anymore? How can you ever live outside of it all?
Okay that’s all I have for now. Apologies for the emotional whiplash. You should expect a lot of that.
Sooo much love to everyone reading this!
Signing off…
Saskia ⋆˚꩜｡ <3
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